An Example

I've been getting emails from the classes this weekend about the personal experience scripts. A lot of them are sharing the same troubles in that many are trying to tell the tale too literally and not thinking about what would make this event a good story. Some are also pushing at the boundry of the "Supernatural Ban" head-on rather than looking for a clever way around it.

In addition to the responses I've sent out, I sat down and wrote my version of the personal experience script as an example that deals with several of the things I've discussed with students. (The Supernatural Ban, passage of time, telling the story from a unique perspective...)



Personal Experience Synopsis:

A retelling of the nightly events in room 521 of O-house between 5:30am and 6:00 and how I survived them.


Getting to Six
By: Mia Paluzzi

Characters:

The Girl: Twenty-ish, dark short hair. Looks like she hasn’t slept in days. Large, KOSS headphones.

The Ghost: No taller nor older than an eight year old. Long, dark hair. 1800’s style nightgown that is tatty/burnt looking. Creepy eyes and skin.



Page One:


Panel One:
O-House dorm room. Two girls are sleeping in the room despite the soft morning light. The one farthest from the window sleeps facing the wall, a pair of headphones and an old I-Pod beside her pillow. Above her bed is a calendar. The clock on her night table/dresser clearly reads 5:29am.



Panel Two:
Clock changes to 5:30am

SFX: Click



Panel Three:
Girl’s eyes open as the room suddenly goes dark behind her. She has heavy dark circles under her eyes.



Panel Four:
She turns on I-Pod. Her breath is visible, like in the winter.

SFX: Click



Panel Five:
Squeezing her eyes shut, she hides under covers and presses her headphones to her ears.

Headphones: Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody, Help, you know I need someone, help…



Panel Six:
Over her shoulder, a scary pair of eyes appear in the darkness. Girl is increasingly distressed.

Headphones: And there's something in the air…Something in my eye, I've danced with you too long…






Page Two:

Panel One:
Sweat beads form on girl’s forehead as giggling and noises fill the room. A hand appears on her comforter.

Headphones: And oh, I don't know why, Oh, I don't know why, Perhaps they'll die, oh yeah…

SFX: Hee hee hee hee... / Giggle! / scriiiiiiiiiiiitch...

Panel Two:
The hand gently takes hold of one side of the headphones, lifting slightly. The girl shakes.

Headphones: Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble, Très bien ensemble…



Panel Three:
The girl’s eyes shoot wide open as the ghost girl leans in and whispers something in her ear.

Headphones: Your embrace… Was all that I feared… That whirling room…

Ghost: … … … …




Panel Four:
The clock changes to 6:00 am and starts beeping.

SFX: Click.




Panel Five:
The room returns to normal (as in panel 1) and the girl sits up looking relieved but still shaken.

Headphones: Was she ever?Was she ever here?




Panel Six:
With a shaky hand she marks another day off the calendar. We see she still has a week and a half left before the 22nd which is circled and has “GOING HOME” written there. Taped to the wall beside the calendar are various newspaper articles, website print-outs and old photos of a building on fire.

Headlines: ORPHANAGE BURNS IN FIRE, O-HOUSE FLOORS FIVE AND SIX ARE HAUNTED, CITY OF SAVANNAH PUBLIC RECORDS 1770-1890, etc.

Headphones: Hey, hey, good morning girl , Hey, hey, good morning girl, But I cant pass this time of day, no, I cant pass this time of day, No I cant pass this time of day